i know things have been quiet around here, and that’s mostly because they have been so loud everywhere else. there is so much i want to say about where i’ve been in the last three (!) months. how my work has shaped me and how – miraculously – i have found a way to shape my work.

my job is not new, but my power in that space is: i love what i get to do – for this city and its students, for my fellow twenty-something comrades searching for connecting points in this large and discordant place we live. and i hope my words find a way to come into this space, because the work i do has become the ground i walk on these days. and i want to talk about it. but for today…

today i woke up to the steady sound of rain, falling on the world outside. i live on the second floor, which means the rooftop of this house is just outside my window, the window by my bed and the pillows where i rest my sleepy head. and there’s nothing that whispers “slow down” to me like the sound of rain to my tired tired body. so i stayed in bed for a couple more hours.

later today is a birthday party: streamers and balloons, pizza and a stack of dvds; and if we’re lucky: something pretty and sweet to drink. i made a quick jaunt to the store last night to pick up a couple bottles of something special. they’re chilling in the fridge now. if the concoction is as delicious as i remember it to be the first time i mixed it up – kind of on a whim – i’ll post up a recipe for it soon. (though calling it a “recipe” is kind of a stretch; it’s really just equal parts pink stuff, orange stuff, and bubbly stuff.)

but until this “later” arrives, a few hours stretch before me. there’s coffee in the french press, a couple of partially-read books on my bed, and – after the quick-stop rain that has already passed on – a now-sunlit window to daydream out of. this time is precious.

in a scattering of mere hours, monday will hit, and probably hit hard, and i will likely recall these words i’ve written with a sharp sting of jealousy… of my own self. how unbecoming. but if that’s the way things go, so be it. i am here now. and for once, after much too long, i am very very here.

happy saturday.

drawing a blank

i am taking a beat – pausing on this quiet saturday morning before getting to the heavy lifting of the day.

today is the day i move! i’ve had a thrill of a time these past few weeks imagining how my life will be in this new space, with its wraparound porch and ridiculously narrow driveway, the original molding that skims the perimeter of every ceiling, the airy upstairs bedroom i will settle into as my own, the overgrown backyard that holds so much dreamy potential…

it is exciting, for sure.

i’ve been waiting for this chance again, to take a house and make it my home. i am beyond giddy for the little kitchen and all the cozy meals i can churn out of it, the hot trays of cookies i can slide out of the oven (i’ve already bookmarked these!). and best of all – calling over all my favorite people to sit with me at the dining table… or on our mismatched armchairs, or on pillows on the living room floor, or whatever the case may be. …it’s a work in progress.

but i shouldn’t forget where i’ve been, and i’ll try my best not to. ever since i first left, the suburbs have always been too quiet – and going back, too stifling – for the restlessly self-possessed person i thought i’d become. but it is where i find my family: the parents who know that sometimes an almost-27-year-old still needs someone to bring her lime jello when she’s sick in bed, the brother whose silence can somehow still feel like camaraderie.

i am learning that growing older may be linear, but growing up isn’t – not always. i think it was right for me to take the last year-and-a-half to move backwards, and now i’m all the more ready to joyfully tumble on forward.

please excuse the apple-peeling/bleeding in the video; i just like the song.

peanut butter pie

last week i quoted someone’s blurb on what it takes to be happy, boiled down to three simple clauses: someone to love, something to hope for, and worthwhile work to enjoy. i’d like to add one more for myself, one that i think i’ve known ever since i brought my first tupperware container of homebaked brownies to share with my friends at the lunch table – happiness is having someone to cook for. 

it’s hard to work this elegantly into a little post on this little blog where i write self-indulgently about the thoughts in my head and the food on my table, and frivolously about the things i wish i could buy… but here’s the reason i made this pie: i read this and my heart dropped.

do i know what it’s like to love hard for 16 years, then have my husband suddenly – absurdly, really – just stop existing?

no. not at all.

but i know how to make pie, and so i do.

happiness is having someone to cook for. the simple act of making a pie and being able to share it with those i cherish – it’s not something i can take too lightly. who would i call up to gather around the table? whose company would soothe the thought of great loss, a stranger’s though it may be? it wasn’t too long ago that i would have struggled with the answer to those questions.

but these days i know exactly who those people are, and that in itself is a great love – a great life. and for that reason i find myself happy, and grateful… and making pie.

 

Creamy Peanut Butter Pie
by Jennie of In Jennie’s Kitchen
Serves 10 to 12

8 ounces chocolate cookies
4 tablespoons butter, melted
4 ounces finely chopped chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup chopped peanuts
1 cup heavy cream
8 ounces cream cheese
1 cup creamy-style peanut butter
1 cup confectioner’s sugar
1 – 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

1. Add the cookies to the bowl of a food processor and pulse into fine crumbs.  Combine melted butter and cookie crumbs in a small bowl, and stir with a fork to mix well.  Press mixture into the bottom and 1-inch up the sides of a 9-inch springform pan. 
2. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or in the microwave.  Pour over bottom of cookie crust and spread to the edges using an off-set spatula.  Sprinkle chopped peanuts over the melted chocolate. Place pan in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.
3. Pour the heavy cream into a bowl and beat using a stand mixer or hand mixer until stiff peaks form.  Transfer to a small bowl and store in refrigerator until ready to use.  Place the cream cheese and peanut butter in a deep bowl.  Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy.  Reduce speed to low and gradually beat in the confectioner’s sugar.  Add the sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract and lemon juice. Increase speed to medium and beat until all the ingredients are combined and filling is smooth.
4. Stir in 1/3 of the whipped cream into the filling mixture (helps lighten the batter, making it easier to fold in the remaining whipped cream).  Fold in the remaining whipped cream.  Pour the filling into the prepared springform pan.  Drizzle the melted chocolate on top, if using, and refrigerate for three hours or overnight before serving.

on and on

it’s important to run into yourself every once in a while. i remember reading something like that in a book i never finished (one of several – my attention span these days has been less than stellar).

i haven’t been around these parts in what feels like a long time. 

life has been good – life has been big – these past couple months, and i guess i’ve been busy going at it.

but a lot has changed, and sometimes you need to do yourself a little favor and have a spin and a good look around.

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it is strange to say i feel more grounded than ever. despite hopping on a plane to thailand, chasing a job up to san francisco, spending 18 hours in a little prius with a couple of my favorite people trying to find our way up to portland (oregon: you’re two for two), i feel even more rooted in this messy, ugly-pretty city i call home. i’m kind of figuring out who i am here, and not in that sit-in-the-shadows-and-think-about-it kind of way that i was so good at before. the real way. the living it out kind of way.

i read somewhere else that happiness is “someone to love, something to hope for, and worthwhile work to enjoy.” think about that for a bit. do you have all three? and if so, can your brain really handle it? …i’m being honestly curious here, because these days i wonder at it – and it’s a dizzying thought.

but i like it. and i think that’s what i love about where i am now. i’m still marked up with all sorts of imperfections, but i am happy. i am happy, and astounded that there could be even more in store somewhere up ahead.

first listen

{ bon iver, ‘bon iver’ – out june 21; album artwork by gregory euclide }

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a seat by the window in the morning and 10 new songs coursing through my ears — this is how i’ve been feeling these days. fresh and full of breeze and just a little bit enchanted. i won’t attempt to write about bon iver’s new album now because i’m too busy playing and playing it again, but there’s a beautiful write-up here at npr (where you can also stream all the tracks on the album).

avocado feta salsa-salad

i love it when the sky turns this color.

the amazing thing about the wind and rain when it comes to this city is how swiftly it clears out the dregs of dirty grit and smog. the skyline gets polished up to brightness; the mountains suddenly look close enough to touch.

nights like these call for something spectacularly fresh to serve up on the dinner plate and a cold glass of something wonderful. with some barbecued chicken or grilled steak, this bright and flavorful salsa is one of my favorites to serve as a side. it’s excellent as a dip-and-scoop for tortilla or pita chips of course, but really i prefer to eat this by the forkful as a salad of sorts. i had it recently to go with some spicy marinated beef, sliced thin as could be, and a little glass of that fruity sangria – and it was the perfect thing to have while sitting under the deepening twilight and brightening stars.

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Avocado Feta Salsa-Salad
Adapted from AllRecipes.com
Makes 2 to 4 servings

2 Roma tomatoes, chopped
1 to 2 ripe avocadoes, peeled, pitted and cut into small chunks
¼ cup finely chopped red onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, roughly chopped
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice, plus more to taste
4 ounces crumbled feta cheese

In a medium bowl, gently toss all ingredients together using your hands or a soft rubber spatula. Taste, and add more lemon or lime juice as needed. The salsa is prettiest when served immediately; however if serving later, store in an airtight container in the refrigerator and place a reserved avocado pit in the container as well to prevent some browning of the avocado.

ugly egg salad

egg salad is not, even in its traditional form, particularly attractive. or even appetizing, necessarily. there is a curried one they serve in finger sandwiches at a tea shop near my house that is quite nice, and i’m sure i’ve had others along the way that aren’t offensive, but by and large i think of egg salad as a squidgy, gloppy mess you might find in a sandwich at the bottom of your lunchbag, smushed and probably a little stinky.

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but this one’s different! i promise.

first of all, it’s uglier.

secondly, it’s mixed in to the brim with a bunch of beautiful-tasting things: sautéed mushrooms, caramelized onions, fresh dill, kicky dijon mustard, a squeeze of lemon.

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the play of flavors is so fun to eat. the textures of the mushrooms and the hard-boiled eggs mimic each other, there are soft pockets of sweetly browned onion bits, and the dill and lemon brighten everything up. piled on a soft slice of deep dark rye bread, or sandwiched between two, you’ve got the perfect one-handed meal. it’s just the thing to pack up for a springtime picnic, along with a jug of ice-cold sweet tea maybe, and a box of fried chicken. it’s also perfectly wonderful to eat while sitting barefoot on the porch, with a book in the other hand and soaking in the warm sunshine that has gleefully made its return.

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Russian Egg and Mushroom Salad
Adapted from Saveur, via Orangette
Makes about 2 cups, or enough for 3 to 4 sandwiches

5 Tbsp. canola oil
1 lb. white button mushrooms, roughly chopped
½ medium yellow onion, roughly chopped
1/3 cup fresh dill, finely chopped (I bought a 1 oz. package and used all of it)
4 hard-boiled eggs, roughly chopped
¾ cup mayonnaise
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper

1. Heat 3 tablespoons of the oil in a 10” or 12” skillet over medium-high heat, and add the mushrooms. Cook, stirring often, until lightly browned, 14-16 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl, and set aside. Wipe out the skillet.
2. Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil in the skillet over medium-high heat, and add the onion. Cook, stirring often, until the onions begin to soften; then reduce the heat to low and continue to cook until lightly caramelized, 10-15 minutes. Transfer to the bowl with the mushrooms. Add the dill and eggs, and stir to mix.
3. In a small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, mustard, and lemon juice. Add about half of the dressing to the mushroom mixture, and toss until evenly combined. Taste, and add more dressing as needed. Season with salt and pepper and more lemon juice, if desired.

red!

it’s not a color i wear naturally, but paired with cotton-fresh whites, a bit of sparkle, and a cold drink or two, i think it’s just the hue to usher in a new season of warmer weather… punchy pops of juicy ruby tones to combat the haze of summer heat. (never mind that california is struggling under a layer of storm clouds this week. sunshine and brighter days are coming – i am sure of it!)

chiffon scallop shorts at urban outfitters

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mini crystal wildfire necklace at j.crew

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essie nail color in “chubby cheeks”

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huarache gladiator sandals at urban outfitters

breezy eyelet sundress (with pockets!) at jcpenney

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pink ruffle cake by call me cupcake

{more pink cakes here and here and here… and learn how to make those buttercream ruffles here!}

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ambi glass at cb2

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homemade rhubarb syrup {photo and recipe by seven spoons}

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{photo via oncewed}

frosty lava flows

cinnamon-bun scones

as i’ve said before, i’m not exactly a morning person. the few times i’ve found myself springing out of bed, all bright-eyed and bushy tailed, i usually a) have just returned from another time zone and my body has been tricked into resetting its internal clock, b) have something really really exciting that is happening that day, or c) know for a fact that a delicious breakfast awaits me.

…sometimes b) and c) are the same thing.

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these scones are definitely a fantastic morning treat. (and with a carafe of hot coffee and the right company, you could easily have the makings of one of those really really exciting things…) they do take a bit of handiwork – it’s a tender dough you pat together and cut into wedges, unlike the scoop-and-bake kind i usually make – but luckily for you and me and all involved, they can be baked in advance: store them un-iced in an airtight container (giant ziploc bags are my go-to kitchen tool here) until you’re ready to serve them. then just before breakfast time, give them a quick run through the toaster oven to warm them through and re-crisp their corners before slathering on the smooth cream cheese icing.

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there are few things better than the scent of cinnamon and butter coming at you bright and early in the morning. for a day you want to keep things simple-dimple, you could just dribble melted butter over crisp toast and sprinkle with cinammon sugar – one of my favorite things to eat as a kid; or keep it classic and slice off a piece of cinnamon-crumbed coffee cake. but on the days when you want a little something special, an upgrade on the usual but comforting and delicious all the same, these are good: close-your-eyes-and-sigh good.

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Cinnamon-Bun Scones

Makes 16 scones
adapted slightly from Food & Wine, March 2003
original recipe by Marcy Goldman

2/3 cup light brown sugar
1 stick (4 ounces) cold unsalted butter, cut into ½-inch dice, plus 2 Tablespoons, softened
2 tablespoons softened
1 ¼ teaspoons cinnamon
3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup heavy cream
1 large egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
¼ cup cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
2 cups confectioners’ sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 425°. Line two large, heavy baking sheets with parchment paper. Using a pastry blender and then your fingers, combine brown sugar with the 2 tablespoons of softened butter and 1 teaspoon of the cinnamon until soft crumbs form. Transfer the mixture to a bowl.
2. In a large bowl, sift together the 3 cups of flour with the granulated sugar, baking powder, salt and the remaining ¼ teaspoon of cinnamon. Add the diced butter and – using a pastry blender or crisscrossing two knives – cut into the flour mixture until it resembles small peas. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl and make a well in the center.
3. Add the cream, egg and vanilla to the well and stir to combine. Using a wooden spoon, gradually stir in the flour mixture until a firm dough forms. Crumble the brown sugar mixture over the dough and knead it into the dough, leaving some streaks.
4. Lightly dust a work surface with flour. Turn the dough out onto it and knead 3 times. Pat or roll the dough into a rectangle, about 1 inch thick. Cut in half lengthwise, then cut crosswise to make 8 squares.  Cut each square on the diagonal to make 16 triangles. Transfer the scones to baking sheets and refrigerate for 10 minutes. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes, or until browned. Let cool slightly on the sheet, then transfer to a wire rack.
5. In a medium bowl, beat the cream cheese with the lemon juice. Beat in the confectioners’ sugar until smooth. Spread the icing over the warm scones and serve immediately.
6. Scones can be baked ahead 1 or 2 days: store un-iced scones in a resealable bag or other airtight container. Before serving, toast them briefly in a toaster or regular oven; then spread with icing.

red wine sangria

with a bag heavy with unused oranges sitting on the kitchen shelf and a lonely bottle of wine in the cupboard, what’s a girl to do except stir up a pitcher of sangria?  i also happened to have a little glass container of sour mix waiting in the fridge, so this recipe was truly just a glorified way of cleaning out my leftovers.

to me, the best sangria is a balance of strong, sweet, and fruity – and i’m quite smitten with this version.  i used a bottle of chianti from trader joe’s that i picked up for under 5 dollars (under the label aquila d’oro), so it would be pretty painless to turn this into a punchbowl drink for a crowd.  i can’t wait for this warmer weather to ramp up and the start of the season for grilled steak, fresh crunchy salads, and chilled glasses of this sweet stuff all around.

Red Wine Sangria
Makes 1 pitcher

1 bottle dry red wine
¼ cup brandy
2 Tbsp. Cointreau
2 cups freshly squeezed orange juice
about 2 cups sour mix, or to taste
3 organic oranges, thinly sliced

Mix the first four ingredients in a standard-size pitcher (about 60 oz. capacity). Add orange slices, cover pitcher, and refrigerate overnight.  Serve in pretty glasses, ice cubes optional.