drawing a blank

i am taking a beat – pausing on this quiet saturday morning before getting to the heavy lifting of the day.

today is the day i move! i’ve had a thrill of a time these past few weeks imagining how my life will be in this new space, with its wraparound porch and ridiculously narrow driveway, the original molding that skims the perimeter of every ceiling, the airy upstairs bedroom i will settle into as my own, the overgrown backyard that holds so much dreamy potential…

it is exciting, for sure.

i’ve been waiting for this chance again, to take a house and make it my home. i am beyond giddy for the little kitchen and all the cozy meals i can churn out of it, the hot trays of cookies i can slide out of the oven (i’ve already bookmarked these!). and best of all – calling over all my favorite people to sit with me at the dining table… or on our mismatched armchairs, or on pillows on the living room floor, or whatever the case may be. …it’s a work in progress.

but i shouldn’t forget where i’ve been, and i’ll try my best not to. ever since i first left, the suburbs have always been too quiet – and going back, too stifling – for the restlessly self-possessed person i thought i’d become. but it is where i find my family: the parents who know that sometimes an almost-27-year-old still needs someone to bring her lime jello when she’s sick in bed, the brother whose silence can somehow still feel like camaraderie.

i am learning that growing older may be linear, but growing up isn’t – not always. i think it was right for me to take the last year-and-a-half to move backwards, and now i’m all the more ready to joyfully tumble on forward.

please excuse the apple-peeling/bleeding in the video; i just like the song.