found

this place feels like a dream. it’s been more than three months since i first set down my boxes here, peeled off the packing tape, and moved myself in—but i still catch myself in a moment every once in a while and wonder how i got so lucky.

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i know that finding a new place to call home was my very specific new year’s wish, but it’s still hard to know how to take it when these things actually work out, when you get what you want. i have trained my cynical heart to prepare for the no’s, for the inevitable disappointments. and here i am, completely spun by how sweetly i have landed here. all i can do is keep whispering thank you.

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living here has been restorative, a place for my whole soul. in some ways, this was what i was hoping for. i knew that moving from a stale, shabby house in a gritty neighborhood to a little cottage on a lush, tree-lined street would bring me relief and peace of mind. i knew that letting go of a shared space with three housemates i had fallen out of rhythm with would free me to find a rhythm of my own. of course i love it here.

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but it has also surprised me, how deeply i needed this place. to bring grace and purpose to my solitude. to strengthen my sense of home and belonging. to help me understand that i know how to walk away. that there is indeed a place to be received into, once i am brave enough to voice out loud that there had been something missing all along.

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a song for these sweet and hopeful times.

Walk the Moon – ‘Aquaman’

 

today

sometimes (most times) music is the best thing to break through to my stubborn, reluctant heart.

today i am thankful for the love i have:

and irrationally hopeful for the love still to come:

songza!

it’s funny the things that give me a sense of security these days. knowing i have a batch of cookie dough stored in the freezer. a new bottle of pretty-smelling lotion sitting by my bedside. two new library books loaded into the kindle. a handful of recipes i know almost by heart.

today i’m going to add: a kickass playlist to keep in my back pocket. specifically this one: ‘indie in the kitchen

i had friends over for dinner this past weekend, and it made me feel so hip to just type some words into my laptop and suddenly have fresh tunes kicking through the stereo system while we sat around the porch. a lot of stuff i’d never heard before really – but somehow all of it perfect.

for example:


Kimbra – ‘Warrior’

 


Sky Ferreira – ‘Everything Is Embarrassing’

 


Frank Ocean – ‘Lost’

 


Electric Youth – ‘The Best Thing’

if you haven’t heard of songza, it’s a music streaming app/website similar to pandora – except better. it suggests playlists based on your mood or what you’re doing. so if you sign in late night on a thursday, it might list some music good for unwinding or studying, even an option for songs without lyrics. if you hop on the site on a saturday night, there might be playlists for “pre-gaming”; on a monday morning, some songs for “waking up slowly.” it’s tons of fun.

indie in the kitchen‘ is still my top playlist of the moment – great for literally being in the kitchen and chopping, dicing, and sautéing away, but also perfect for long commutes when i need to keep the energy up, and those aforementioned dinner parties where i’m trying to impress all my friends.

here are a few other favorites:

harvest moon‘: one of the first playlists i ever found on songza and still my go-to for warm, folksy, guitar-driven songs

post-rock bliss‘: all instrumental and perfect for working or studying from home (when i’m just not feeling the classical station)

relaxing rain ambience‘: for curling up with a good book or drifting off to sleep

ready for the mess

it’s been so many damn years since my last relationship that even if my personal growth weren’t enough, the sheer amount of time would’ve done the trick — it’s history.

but to hear this song after this movie was like someone taking me by the wrist and leading me back, just for a short visit, to that time. to my young, new, raw self, just learning how it’s possible to hope and to walk away at the same time.

 

i loved it. i love how one movie and one song can shovel under all the progress i’ve made, undo it all just for a sweet miserable moment, long enough for me to remember the taste of that specific grief, the dismantling, the mess.

and then to remind myself: i know how to put it all back.

i’m coming into one of those seasons in life, i think, when things feel in line. the days dance to the same song; every choice is a shimmer off some core truth that i know to be mine. 

i still work too much sometimes, and don’t find time to breathe, to see, to be. but when i do, it is clear – there is something good going on here.

 

breaks my heart

in the best way.

if you’ve seen the movie, you know the ending ain’t pretty – but this is damn beautiful. the beginning always is.

(turn it up.)

(you can listen to the whole song here.)

i know things have been quiet around here, and that’s mostly because they have been so loud everywhere else. there is so much i want to say about where i’ve been in the last three (!) months. how my work has shaped me and how – miraculously – i have found a way to shape my work.

my job is not new, but my power in that space is: i love what i get to do – for this city and its students, for my fellow twenty-something comrades searching for connecting points in this large and discordant place we live. and i hope my words find a way to come into this space, because the work i do has become the ground i walk on these days. and i want to talk about it. but for today…

today i woke up to the steady sound of rain, falling on the world outside. i live on the second floor, which means the rooftop of this house is just outside my window, the window by my bed and the pillows where i rest my sleepy head. and there’s nothing that whispers “slow down” to me like the sound of rain to my tired tired body. so i stayed in bed for a couple more hours.

later today is a birthday party: streamers and balloons, pizza and a stack of dvds; and if we’re lucky: something pretty and sweet to drink. i made a quick jaunt to the store last night to pick up a couple bottles of something special. they’re chilling in the fridge now. if the concoction is as delicious as i remember it to be the first time i mixed it up – kind of on a whim – i’ll post up a recipe for it soon. (though calling it a “recipe” is kind of a stretch; it’s really just equal parts pink stuff, orange stuff, and bubbly stuff.)

but until this “later” arrives, a few hours stretch before me. there’s coffee in the french press, a couple of partially-read books on my bed, and – after the quick-stop rain that has already passed on – a now-sunlit window to daydream out of. this time is precious.

in a scattering of mere hours, monday will hit, and probably hit hard, and i will likely recall these words i’ve written with a sharp sting of jealousy… of my own self. how unbecoming. but if that’s the way things go, so be it. i am here now. and for once, after much too long, i am very very here.

happy saturday.

drawing a blank

i am taking a beat – pausing on this quiet saturday morning before getting to the heavy lifting of the day.

today is the day i move! i’ve had a thrill of a time these past few weeks imagining how my life will be in this new space, with its wraparound porch and ridiculously narrow driveway, the original molding that skims the perimeter of every ceiling, the airy upstairs bedroom i will settle into as my own, the overgrown backyard that holds so much dreamy potential…

it is exciting, for sure.

i’ve been waiting for this chance again, to take a house and make it my home. i am beyond giddy for the little kitchen and all the cozy meals i can churn out of it, the hot trays of cookies i can slide out of the oven (i’ve already bookmarked these!). and best of all – calling over all my favorite people to sit with me at the dining table… or on our mismatched armchairs, or on pillows on the living room floor, or whatever the case may be. …it’s a work in progress.

but i shouldn’t forget where i’ve been, and i’ll try my best not to. ever since i first left, the suburbs have always been too quiet – and going back, too stifling – for the restlessly self-possessed person i thought i’d become. but it is where i find my family: the parents who know that sometimes an almost-27-year-old still needs someone to bring her lime jello when she’s sick in bed, the brother whose silence can somehow still feel like camaraderie.

i am learning that growing older may be linear, but growing up isn’t – not always. i think it was right for me to take the last year-and-a-half to move backwards, and now i’m all the more ready to joyfully tumble on forward.


please excuse the apple-peeling/bleeding in the video; i just like the song.

first listen

{ bon iver, ‘bon iver’ – out june 21; album artwork by gregory euclide }

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a seat by the window in the morning and 10 new songs coursing through my ears — this is how i’ve been feeling these days. fresh and full of breeze and just a little bit enchanted. i won’t attempt to write about bon iver’s new album now because i’m too busy playing and playing it again, but there’s a beautiful write-up here at npr (where you can also stream all the tracks on the album).

love love

i tend to think a lot of what goes along with valentine’s day isn’t all thaaaat romantic, but i fully embrace it as an excuse to be unabashedly girly and shamelessly, over-the-top sweet.

my party-planning partner-in-crime and i have already dreamed up a dessert party with heart-shaped cutouts of pound cake to be dipped in chocolate fondue, pink-frosted sugar cookies showered with sprinkles, and marshmallow hearts to plunk in hot mugs of cocoa. like i said: over-the-top sweet.

will we really pull it off? will any males come within 10 feet of the festivities? that remains to be seen, but – as it is with the lovely finds below – the fun is in getting inspired.


mini heart mirrors at pbteen

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“a hidden apple” – miniature artist book by elsa mora

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crochet heart garland: how-to at design*sponge

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doily clock on etsy

 

doily coasters on etsy

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tiny heart ring on etsy

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a most fantastic february music mix – tracklist and link to download at miss moss
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