it was perhaps not the worst year in my recorded history, but the job that brought on such bottled-up strife and which frustrated so many of my sweetest plans is quite over now. i really didn’t mean to be so vague when i alluded to it that one time; i meant to explain it all much sooner – but that’s what that was all about. i am unemployed free.
it will take some time yet to figure out for myself exactly what went wrong and where this leaves me. in the meantime, i have a lot of things i have spent the last year longing to have to myself – time; my thoughts; and today, the house. i already spent a glorious afternoon yesterday sitting underneath an umbrella in the backyard reading reading reading, only coming into the house to bring out a lunch of leftover pasta and top up my glass of ginger beer.
i have a growing list of things i’d like to reacquaint myself with now that i have the time and the peace of mind. it makes sense that reading was the one item i chose to start with: heading on back to the ballet studio requires some physical stamina i do not have enough of yet; calling up old friends takes a bit of emotional muscle; but picking out a book from the bookshelf is and has always been effortless.
i went to a used book store and found just the story i wanted to get into: atonement by ian mcewan. i had watched the movie and it had stilled me to the core, not just because of the story it told, but because the way it was shot was simply stunning. every scene was so gorgeously, deliberately composed. and when i turned open the cover to read through the pages of my new-old book, i found the words to be no less striking – so perfectly chosen and deftly placed among each other, so clearly the work of a writer who knew exactly what he was doing. in lieu of my own self-assured steps, i will enjoy the sound of his.